poetry – poetic language

another fine comment at the end!

14/4/86           Poetry – poetic language
Paraphrase	Poem	Comments if paraphrase is better	comments if poem is better
1. froze the brooks and ponds	called to water “Halt!”	The words froze the brooks and ponds sounds better than called to water “Halt”
2. turned the thawing snow crisp again	crusted the moist snow with sparkling salt		the author use’s onomatopia like the crusted sounds like the noise it makes
3. Brooks ice over	Brooks, Their own bridges, stop	the brooks just is its own form
5. Fish	Tench		Tench is a particular fish
6. Move slowly	lurk		Lurk sounds interesting. Why?
7. beneath the frozen surface of the ponds	under gluey glass	Under gluey glass sounds like a sticky hard surface
9. lane	hard-rutted lane		hard-rutted lane has something to it
10. Icy puddles crack	breaks a brittle pane
11. trees	tinkling trees		the tinkling puts more in to it than just trees
12. bend under the	Changed into weeping willows	Is more concisie
13. stick up out of	Take root	More starling – dead things can’t take root
14. frost makes patterns	Fearsome windows shoot their ghostly friends	Fits in better with other parts of the poem
15. frost	Fierce frost		Is more startiling
16. traps	Interns	Is more vivid than interns
17. covers trees	Ranks trees in an armed host	Covers trees is concise
18. makes icicles	Hangs daggers	More concise
19. decorates windows	Ferny ambush weaves		Expressed in a better way
20. warmth	In the long war grown warmer		Is more dramatic
21. soon melts all the ice away	Will strike him dead and strip his armour	Is more precise
Quite good Robert – I’m concerned that you seem to have missed out a lot of work though. Take care with presentation